Love Notes ((Book Two of the Heartbeat Series)) Page 5

  Thomas slid his finger up to the edge of my short skirt and clung to the edge. He softly spoke and leaned to me, “So beautiful. Madison, you are so beautiful.” I wanted to hear more, I needed to hear more. I just watched a beautiful young rock girl take complete control over my boyfriend, my fiancé. I needed to feel worth something, I needed to feel again and forget what burned in my eyes. I let Thomas continue to touch me, to slide his fingers along my skirt. As Thomas continued, my thoughts turned to Rand touching me and sliding his hands all over my naked body, I missed him so much. I groaned and as my skirt lifted higher I released several soft moans. With my head lying in the cushioned head rest and the coolness of the leather surrounding me, Thomas lowered my seat and as it went back my body became so comfortable. My core became more accessible with only a very thin fabric covering me.

  In my mind, I felt Rand touching me, caressing my thigh, slowly sweeping his fingertips across my inner thigh and traveling inward. I felt him lift his finger across my panties and I felt his one finger slip underneath and trace the folds of my skin and it sent a quiver through me and a want and need for more. As I pulled my skirt higher to give Rand more access, I felt my panties lowering slowly. I felt now his kisses coming into my thighs. I had my hands at my side clenching my fingers tightly into my palms and his mouth began to lead his tongue on a path along my inner thigh, his touch so familiar so comfortable. I heard him catch his breath and he was coming in so close. I wanted him so much, it would only take him moments in this position to take me over the edge. It had been a month now without him. I pulled my hands from my sides, the blood flowing through my fingers and I went to take his hair and fist it through my fingers. Once I did I realized that there were no long strands of hair to pull through. I suddenly opened my eyes to see Thomas going down on me. I pulled his head up and looked at him so confused, “What the hell are you doing?’

  Thomas said, “I didn’t see you stop me, I thought this was what you wanted.”

  “Thomas I am sorry if you thought that, I’m drunk, confused and caught up in missing Rand. I am so upset about what was on your phone. Now that you got me home safely, I think you need to go.” He paused and stilled and his hand still remained up my skirt. “NOW!” I yelled. I got out of his car and felt awful for drinking too much, for escaping into a reverie for Rand having sex with me and for using Thomas in this situation. “I will talk to you later, Thomas, not now. Thank you for getting me home.”

  When my head hit the pillow I wanted Rand to finish off what he started in my mind in the car. I thought of him and I looked at my phone and I had several messages from him.

  I hope you have a nice evening out. I hope you are missing me.

  I am heading out with the band after the show, I’ll call you tomorrow.

  Sleep well. I love you.

  I thought in my head, I love you too Rand but your going out with the band is not what I need to hear as Killjoy will probably be accompanying you as well. I returned him a text.

  I’m home and I got to watch part of your concert tonight via a smart phone. You looked awesome but I have to tell you I was also very shocked and surprised with your latest performance.

  I shut my phone off as I didn’t want to hear his response now especially if he was still out with them or her. And I slept letting my alcohol consumption and dreamland take me to an erotic dream of Rand and I. As he played to me, I climbed up onto the edge of the stage; I crawled over to him and watched as the bulge grew in his tight jeans. He dropped the guitar and the music stopped but the heat began as he grabbed me and threw me to the stage floor and climbed over me. Rand began to lick at my throat and then traveled to my nipples. Through my tight tank top he located the precise tips of them and placed his lips on them even despite the cloth between. The bright lights of the stage made me think that we were the only two there illuminating our sexy scene, until a voice sounded. It was Killjoy and she asked if Rand wanted to get back to playing with her, playing music with her… I tensed my body on the cold stage floor and he started to rise up off of me and shake his hair back. He walked away and followed her. He moved tight behind her in her steps and didn’t look back, just left me there.

  When morning came, I still laid in bed thinking of our steamy passionate dream that left me wet, and then I thought of my dream and him walking away with Killjoy. I still clearly see the face of Killjoy on stage with him and any happy thought of him at that moment was shattered. I rose out of bed and my house phone was ringing. I picked it up to be greeted by Jillian, she wanted to make certain I got in okay and she had tried my cell phone twice. I told her Thomas got me home safely but that I had way too much to drink. She said she felt sorry too that she let me drink a lot and we agreed to meet at the park later in the day and take a nice long walk. She said she really needed to talk to me. I thought for sure that her conversation was going to be to brace me for the news of Killjoy because I don’t think she knew yet that I had already been exposed to her sexy loveliness and moves. I wasn’t sure if I would tell Jillian what happened in the car last night. I normally told Jillian everything, but I wasn’t ready to talk with her about the car scene with Thomas just yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone to ever know. I did stop it before it got anywhere that was damaging, but it still felt awkward that I allowed him to touch me. I thought it was Rand in my head; I wanted to believe it was Rand. When Thomas did pull back his hand from under my skirt I saw the rise in his pants and knew he was going to have a very frustrating long ride back to the city.

  Chapter Four – Accidents Happen

  The park in the afternoon, although it is August, is really not too hot today. There were still several buses coming in for the day, filling the park with many more visitors. We parked away from the tourist building and had a long walk of about five miles ahead of us. There is a short loop in the park and a long loop. Today I needed the longest loop to reset my body and mind. I brought a giant bottle of water to hydrate as well.

  There seemed to be a lot of families with their cameras taking in all the history of the park. We started to walk at a very brisk pace but after our first mile we slowed. We were talking about nature and all the sights about us but I felt that Jillian was dancing around a topic. “So girl what’s been happening with you and Raeford?”

  “Why, what do you mean?”

  “Oh nothing really, don’t get defensive, I just wondered how you two are.”

  “I think we are good, but he doesn’t share his feelings well.”

  “He is very sexy, smooth and sweet and quite mysterious whenever I speak to him.”

  “I know he is all of that but also something I can’t put my finger on. He keeps me at a distance when I bring up his past or family. He doesn’t speak much about it or them.”

  “I could ask Rand if he knows more about him and will definitely share anything he tells me. I hope you work out, he is nice to me and a great person to Rand.”

  “Madison, you and Rand are great together. I only hope one day that Raeford and I find that as well.”

  “Jillian, I really love Rand, I really do. Some days I think about how lucky I am to have him in my life. I hope he is as into me as I am with him, I want to move forward with him.”

  “Oh I think he is way into you and it helps he is so hot, definitely not hard on the eyes.”

  “Hey you can stop picturing my man?” I shouted, mostly teasing. “You have your own eye candy.”

  Jillian laughed, then became serious and said, “Yeah I guess I do, he just doesn’t seem settled. There’s something that I can’t pinpoint that feels off with us. I don’t want to change him. But he is so quiet that sometimes I wonder what he’s not saying.”

  “Hey, has he given you reasons to doubt things between you?”

  “No, but I want us to take a step together, especially now.”

  I wanted to ask her why the urgency now but as we stopped to fill our water bottles and were asked to take a family photo for some tourists. Gladly, I took their ca
mera and got them to gather together and I took a nice shot that could be their holiday card photo.

  We were heading down a sloping hill on one side of the park and Jillian, said “Madison I really need some advice.”

  “Sure what’s up?”

  “I’ve had a lot on my mind and need to ask your opinion.”

  “Wow, you never ask my opinion, you usually tell me the best advice.”

  “Whatever, I just really need to get something off my chest.”

  As I was listening to her start to speak, there are moments in life that happen in a flash of time. I started to hear words coming from her mouth as she was on my right side, but I heard a scream that was louder to my left side. I looked to the left of me, in what seemed slow motion, to see the huge national park utility truck going around a deer that had run in front of the vehicle. I can hear the roar of the truck motor coming closer, seeing it coming toward us, I have only a second to react. I shoved Jillian further away from me, as I flinch away to brace myself for the impact. I was squeezing my eyelids together thinking I could will it to turn off the path and miss hitting us. That didn’t happen no matter how I tried to wish it. Not seeing the truck, the momentum from the hit, threw me to the hard ground with no cushion. My head snapped back on the earth below. Passing me and continuing on, the truck crashed through one of the historical George Washington log cabins.

  I heard Jillian yell and then I heard her crying so hard and then just silence. I called out to her. “Jillian, Jillian. Hang on Jillian, I can’t get to you, I can’t lift my head. It hurts so badly.” There were tourists near us saying that help was coming. I saw a couple bending near the direction of Jillian, but I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t move, one of my arms was bent and my body twisted. I reached up my right arm straight in the air. I wanted someone to see me lying there, to see us both lying there. I was confused why no one was trying to move us and get us to someplace to save us. The ground under my head and neck became very warm, and moist. I heard the sirens at first very low and then suddenly much louder and then the sound was piercing. I kept my arm steady in the air like a flag waving. I kept it there like a marker for when the snow falls and you can’t see the curb lines. I couldn’t feel much, I was told to stay calm and not move. But still no one was lifting either of us. I was hoping we were still alive and I wasn’t dreaming this. I am not sure how long my arm stood tall for recognition but then I felt a touch from someone that was taking my extended arm and folding it gently to cross my chest. I started to speak and ask questions, and I wasn’t sure if I was getting the words formed properly because I didn’t get any response. Suddenly everything went dark.

  This was one of those moments in our lives that people speak of where you have an experience that forever marks you. I wasn’t sure what was happening next, I didn’t know where I was, or if I was even still alive. I felt groggy, like I was given a sedative. At this point, I wasn’t even sure if I was dreaming the whole park outing and I was still in bed from last night having drank too much. Maybe I passed out in the park from dehydration. All I know is that when I came awake the slightest bit and saw people hovering over me and working on me and I saw my gym sweat towel dripping in red, my blood. Someone gently lifted my head and slid another towel under it. I didn’t recognize any of the faces with me. I tried to focus and everything around me went shadowy and I faded out.

  With my eyes closed I heard so many voices. I can hear them all talking and giving urgent instructions. There was a man talking. His voice was very matter of fact, his words clipped and efficient as if he was trying to convey the necessary facts without any waste. “There was an accident in the park. The vehicle veered out of the way of a deer striking two female pedestrians.” I heard that. I thought about that and part of me knew he was talking about me. My eyelids flutter but won’t fully open. When I separate them slightly the brightness of the lights above makes me tear and my eyes sting, so I shut them. Now, I hear new voices. Based on the conversation I guess they are the doctors. “Lets get her immediate attention, keep her head steady, clearly she has a severe laceration and is losing blood, she could very well have a skull fracture.” I remember feeling the wetness surround my neck as I laid there on the ground, it felt like the grass was wet from a rainstorm, I know now it was my own blood. I listen and everyone confirming their orders. I feel my body suddenly being lifted, my head gently moved. I felt a sharp prick in my skin and then a slow countdown. I have drifted, I hear nothing more.

  I am dreaming now and I am sure of this because I am having a great time with Rand. I’ve brought some artwork from my townhome to hang on his walls. While we are discussing where it should go, we are laughing. I am in his home but he keeps correcting me to say it is our home. As I lean a few of the pictures I want to hang against the chosen wall and reach for the hammer, he grabs my arm and takes it from me. At first I think he wants to be the man and take over with the man tool to hang the pictures, but his expression definitely suggests that he has other ideas. Rand has set the hammer on the table and comes close to me and wraps his arms around me and whispers to me that he cannot picture anything better in his life than me.

  I am so content here with him in this moment, in his life and with my life. He unhurriedly begins to pull my cami top up over my head and whispers in his sexy voice, “I want to picture all of you naked before me. I want you to be the picture I memorize forever.” My top is thrown on the floor and next in one press my bra is released. Rand is still clothed in his tight black tee shirt and faded jeans. He easily pops open the metal button on my jeans and he gradually tugs my zipper down. Grabbing two belt loops on the sides of my hips he strips my jeans down as he follows along with them. His mouth opens and his teeth grab my lace panties and he pulls them down and off to the side adding them to the pile with my top.

  I moan in anticipation of what he does to me and what he will be starting now. I quiver at the feel of him as he slowly rises and pauses to begin sweet kisses on my inner thighs and licks a path with his tongue up my belly to my nipples and circling both showing no favorite. He stops for a moment takes his thumb in his lips and wets it, and then presses it to my lips and strokes the pad of it across my lower lip. I open my mouth and take in his thumb and suck and twirl my tongue all over it. Rand pulls back and he then stands before me. I am nude standing exposed in front of him and I stare at his craving blue eyes and I jump up and straddle him. He catches my ass and sinks his fingers firmly into it. He presses me back to the wall and loudly yells, “Yes, this is how I want to picture you. Madison you are so beautiful, you are my nude work of art.” Rand lifts me higher as he holds me to the solid wall and slams his mouth on mine. He presses my lips with such force and longing. I open my mouth feeding on his taste and craving his touch, and needing him inside me now. He carries me along the wall and never lets me loose from him until we hit our bed. He slowly releases me, but only for a moment to take off his tee shirt as I am already working on releasing his jeans. As he moves inside me I know that everything will be alright. I feel perfect, this is so wonderful. He is everything to me.

  Where is he though? I must be still dreaming because there is a fog now that I see after a show and it is so dark and I only see one light, a glow from the corner of the stage. I see his stunning body leaning there. I call out to him, he doesn’t move or acknowledge me, and he looks so worried. I try to walk toward him but my feet aren’t getting me any closer. I continue yelling his name, and I am waving my arms in the nighttime air. He drops his head and now I am concerned. He turns and his back is to me and he walks but farther and farther away. I see the light at the end like someone has slightly opened a door for a peek. I think he went in that direction. I walk toward it hoping to get to him and comfort him. The light is gone. I am now surrounded by darkness. I see the fog low, skimming the ground as it dusts across my feet and I cannot get oriented as to which direction to head. Confusion is settling in on me and I am getting scared as I try to make a move and feel frozen and Rand
is gone. Just when I think I am alone in the dark I hear voices speaking coming into my ears in a very low conversation.

  A masculine voice is talking, “Our patient came through really well without any complications, she is very lucky to be alive. We found she sustained a skull fracture.” A woman starts crying interrupting his news. “No let me explain, your daughter has a linear skull fracture, which is like a fine line crack in a piece of china, fortunately not a compound fracture with a protruding bone. There was though a large opening where bacteria could get into and we were successful in getting that closed up quickly. She has a strong head that was very resilient with the hit that she sustained. I think she will heal very quickly, but it is very painful.” He then continued to give his orders, “Let’s keep her lightly sedated to keep her comfortable, and reduce some of her pain.” I hear a female voice, “Yes Doctor.” Then the man’s voice speaks again and I overhear that there was a severe broken leg that needed immediate attention. As he continues speaking in his medical terms, I am able to pick out the important words, a back injury and several fractured ribs. Then a female voice adds in a very soft compassionate tone, “What a shame that she had to lose the baby.” I then hear another woman, who I believe is my mother, start to cry very loudly. Wait. I freeze, did I just hear a baby was lost. I hear beeping sounds playing over and over all sounding and then I feel a prick in my vein a cool liquid surge under my skin and a prick pulling out of my arm. The beeping noises have silenced and I no longer hear voices. I feel so alone, I think they have all left. Why are they leaving me all by myself? Could my condition have turned grave?

  I have no notebook to write in and no pen or computer. I cannot open my eyes to focus on anything. In my head I picture a notepad with crisp empty white paper. I want to get a message to Rand and so I mentally write it:

  Rand-

  Oh, God, something horrible has happened. I only remember parts of it and they seem like snapshots that were taken so quickly. Jillian and I were walking the park and having a great day. I was missing you and telling her just that. The sun was shining and the park was filled with bikers, joggers and tourists. I remember a truck coming right at me. I had a second to move Jillian further back. I don’t think that mattered much as I heard her cries and the pain that was in them. I felt my body being thrown back with such force. I couldn’t even break the fall to the ground. I remember not moving and only thinking that someone has to get to you and tell you that I love you. I know you hear me tell you but at this moment it is really important that you know how much I truly love you. Moments like this you never know the final outcome. You wish you could say everything that you never got the chance to say. I know we talk about so much together, and I know we share a special love together. Right now though, if I would never see you another day or have you fill my heart, I would want you to know you were the best part of my entire lifetime. I look up at the sky as my body is laid on the ground. I see the blue sky, like your eyes, and that makes me calm knowing that I am being looked over. I know you aren’t near me but I feel that you will be. I only hope you come to me soon. I need to feel you near me. I need to reach out and touch you and let you know I love you. Rand, I never felt so in love as I do when I am with you. My body feels broken, my pain is immense but my heart is filled with you. I cannot add this to my growing pile of handwritten Love Notes as I have nothing to write it on. I will just engrave in my mind with all my loving thoughts of you and a life ahead forever. Rand you are mine forever. My head really hurts now and the pain is beginning to cloud my thoughts. I will hold you soon and tell you in person, I love you more than life itself.