Rock Notes (Book One of the Heartbeat Series) Page 18

  As I left the barn, I walked into a holiday light show. From the barn to his home holiday bulbs outlined every corner of his property. The front fences were draped with lights and greens. The trees had snowflake lights hanging in all different places and it was so picturesque. It looked like a holiday greeting card.

  “It’s so beautiful! I cannot believe you do all this, why?” I asked.

  Rand looked at me and said, “First you are so beautiful, and why I do this is to see everyone smile. It makes you smile. I like to show them appreciation at the year’s end for all their hard work.”

  “I’m sure they’re thankful, it’s very nice to do all this.”

  “Yeah today was nice but when I host the New Years Party it gets a bit crazy.”

  “Oh, how crazy?”

  “Just about as crazy as I am for you Madison.”

  As I pulled him in to warm me from the chill that crept up my spine, I had to ask, “Rand who is G, I accidently saw that on a text message you received?” I did it, I put it out there, and I waited for him to reply. I waited.

  He pulled from me and simply said, “Madison, I cannot go into this with you right here and now, let’s talk about this later.”

  “Why won’t you talk to me now about this?”

  “Madison you need to trust me, can you do that? I know we are getting closer to one another but I’m sure we don’t share everything yet.” With that response I knew it wasn’t good, I felt the blow to my insides. I felt weakened, but I didn’t want to continue to feel something more that wasn’t there and it appeared he had something else going on, shutting me out. I told him I was too cold and we headed in to everyone else. I kept a small distance from him for a bit, talking with Jillian and I told her another message came from “G” tonight and I asked him about it and he didn’t want to go into it with me. I was very upset but masked it with a cordial smile.

  Jillian told me, “I asked Raeford if he knew anything and he said he didn’t know. He did say though that many nights on the road, Rand would not head out with all the guys to bars and such, but always seemed to be occupied or roll in late.”

  “Oh I can only imagine where he was or what he did.” I gave Jillian a very sad look. This wasn’t settling with me well. As the festive day continued into the evening, several left to get their packing finished, shopping done or traveling started to get them to their loved ones for Sunday. Rand had told me that he wanted me to come to his house, and see the decorations. I wasn’t up for another let down and didn’t want to go there tonight, knowing someone else was in town to see him after me. I wasn’t going to do that to myself as much as I wanted to be with him. I told him I was getting tired and that I hadn’t drank much and was simply going to head home.

  “Is everything alright Madison?” he questioned. I told him I was fine, he didn’t push. I had wanted him to push because honestly, part of me wanted to cave and stay with him. But I walked around and said goodbyes to all and hugged it out with each person that was still there. I thanked him and the guys again for the desk. I was definitely going to have it relocated to my house soon. I put my new leather jacket back on and Rand took hold of my hand and walked me toward the door. Once past the corner of the large tree, he dipped me back for another lasting kiss and looked up yet again to the mistletoe and smiled. I looked up too, but was looking beyond it to the vast ceiling above and wondering what was going on that I didn’t know.

  I hadn’t even gotten into my bed when my phone sounded and it was Rand –

  Merry start of the Christmas Holiday, glad you came by and loved the smile on your face as you sat at your new desk. I look forward to seeing that smiling face on Sunday. Remember you better have been a good girl as Santa is coming. Good night, sleep well.

  How could I sleep well, I was in an awful state of mind. Who was “G” and what was he keeping from me. He could easily tell me that we aren’t anything to one another. Why dip me back into another unwavering kiss, why invite me over and compare me and her if she is possibly coming there? No I could not do this to myself. I sent him a message –

  I’m looking forward to Christmas. Thank you for today, I love my desk. I’m going to sleep and remember all the lights that danced outdoors this evening.

  I never did though tell him where I was going to head on Christmas just that I was looking forward to it. I had to decide and I needed a solid night of sleep to make the best decision.

  Christmas morning was lovely, as outside a dusting of snow had fallen. It just coated everything with a winter white and made the day seem more special. I awoke content in knowing where I was heading today and with whom I would be spending the day. I showered and dressed and hummed to myself this morning and let the sounds of the season fill my house from the radio as I took a little time to pick out an outfit to wear. I had this long black skirt and I put boots with it. I found a festive looking top that was sleeveless and just skimmed the top of the skirt, actually you could see my skin through the lace cuts, but it looked like a holiday outfit. I pulled out my long coat and gloves as it was chilly today. I packed up my presents and gently carried the bottle of port. I drove out of my neighborhood with ease as the light coating of snow parted as my tires passed through it. The weatherman said some areas got a coating of snow and others received several inches.

  I parked my car and began to walk toward the elevator door. I pressed the button for the 27th floor. I let out a huge sigh. I watched the floors tick past. I felt like I was walking back into my past. I reached the door of the condo and as I paused, I felt the door open before I actually pressed the bell. Thomas stood looking so happy that I had arrived. I was actually early for his brunch and wanted to see if I could help him with anything. He took the bottle bag and smiled when he saw the cookie tin that I had made for him. He set them down near his tree that looked just as it did when I lived there, same ornaments, familiar trimmings. I left that all for him when I moved to my townhome. I was in a very bad way and wanted to leave everything behind. I wanted all new items that had no memories of him attached at that time. Today seeing his tree, actually once our holiday tree, brought back a smile to my face. I felt the comfort of home again. He pulled me in and gently embraced me, treating me like glass. He was careful not to hold me too tightly.

  Since I was early I sat on the sofa near the tree and we talked a bit about what had been happening with us lately. I told him two friends of mine were hooking up with the band members to which he said, “Oh only two?” I laughed and played that off, I knew what he was saying, but didn’t comment further. I told him I had so much of my writing done and felt it was going to be a good book. I left out telling him that the band had just bought me the most awesome desk. Thomas looked so content with me just being there that I didn’t want to say that. It would feel like throwing mud in his face.

  Thomas had already begun to pour me a glass of wine, telling me about a few more financial conventions he was attending in the New Year. He wanted to know if I would still be traveling with the band in case they crossed into a state he would be in. I told him I was unsure how much more time I would be with them, I knew he was fishing for answers.

  He started to get up and he reached toward the back of the tree for a gift box. Thomas smiled brightly at me, and commented how lovely I looked today. I sipped the wine and felt at ease, he was not pushing me. We were talking about safe subjects, and the conversation made me feel warm and welcomed in the condo and with him. I reached over and handed him a bottle bag and he smiled and said thank you to me as he knew I had gotten him his favorite bottle of port. He leaned in to me and kissed my lips, but didn’t press.

  He then sat very closely to my right and set a gift box on my lap.

  “Madison, this is for you, I want you to open it before everyone comes here today.”

  “Thomas I didn’t expect a present from you, do I need to remind you that we’re just friends.” Even telling him this he seemed to not hear me. Before I reached to open the box, he took my righ
t wrist to his lips and kissed my hand gently and then he twisted on my cuff bracelet. I took my hand down and opened the box and there was a diamond tennis bracelet, clearly made up of too many carats. I was stunned. I wasn’t going to take it.

  “Are you crazy, this is way too much?”

  As he took it out of the box he shared, “I’m crazy in love you with you, let’s get this cuff off your wrist and put this beautiful bracelet on.” He continued, “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize what I had with you and screwed it up. I will not take you for granted anymore; I will spend every day making it up to you.”

  My eyes started to tear and Thomas reached up and dabbed the corners of my eyes catching the moist droplets, but my tears weren’t what he thought. I couldn’t stay here, just the touch of him twisting my cuff was like a tug to my heart. I had not been able to get Rand’s explanation of “G” yet, and needed to find out what was happening there before I could ever walk away from him. I needed to hold Rand and figure out what had made things awkward recently.

  I needed to get out of here, out of my old condo, my old life. I couldn’t breathe. I felt suffocated; Thomas looked at me like I was having a panic attack. He got up to go to the bathroom to get me a wet wash cloth and when he returned I had fled. He called my cell phone moments later; I could not take his call. I got in my car and sank in the seat and closed my eyes and took a huge breath, I felt so much better. Follow your heart I told myself in my head. I opened my eyes and was looking down at the shimmering heart on the cuff bracelet, and I was going to have that lead me back toward the person whose heart had given this to me. As I drove from the parking lot to Rand’s my phone rang several times, all from Thomas that I let go to voice mail. I silenced my phone.

  I parked at Rand’s and there were several cars here already. The gathering was already under way since I was late. But a ride and visit to the city and then a drive back out of the city took time. Rand was sitting on his porch when I arrived and stood as he saw me approach. He came toward me immediately. As I rose out of the car, he picked me up and twirled me around in the snow. I was afraid we were going to tumble and be making snow angels on the ground. When he stopped his twirling he began to kiss me and muttered, “Merry Christmas Madison.”

  He didn’t have to tell me how happy he was to see me. His enthusiastic greeting said it all. “I’m so happy to be here,” I said softly. After several minutes, he was able to pull himself away and we headed into the house.

  I stopped to take in the lovely decorations on the porch itself; there were lighted pathway topiary trees and a giant wreath that hung on the front door again from a velvet ribbon. Inside a sleigh was in the foyer with presents and bottles for guests. I stared to count the decorated trees and from the three at the barn to the two more in the foyer alone, my count was up to five lavishly decorated trees.

  “Rand this is amazing, I fell like I’m at the North Pole.”

  “You’re amazing Madison, come here.” Before I could even remove my coat, he was pulling me upstairs. He pushed past some of his guests which were mostly neighbors and close friends. He promised to introduce me a bit later. When we reached the second floor, he took me down the hallway to his bedroom. “Madison, close your eyes.”

  I wondered if he was going to take me there and now upstairs while all the guests remained below us. My thighs trembled and my heart rate increased. I felt the exciting tingle in my lower body just as I did a few days ago with Rand behind the holiday tree. The tree then hid us from the band while friends were just above in the loft. I kept my eyes closed with anticipation. He led me slowly and carefully forward, pulling my hand lightly. He stopped me and turned me toward the direction he wanted and said, “Merry Christmas Madison, you can open your eyes.”

  As I opened my eyes I first glanced to him and looked puzzled and then he pointed. I looked forward. Hung on his wall in front of me was a painting “Embrace” by the same artist that we liked from South Beach. The other artist’s painting was in my bedroom “Separation.” This painting was beautiful. It brought the two images of the lovers in the first painting together and it was huge, covering a large portion of his wall. He already had it professionally hung and a light that illuminated the placard that read, “Embrace.”

  “Rand, it’s beautiful, I love it.” With that Rand took me into his arms, touching his lips to mine.

  “I think of you every time I look at it.” He passionately kissed me, and after a moment I opened up for him. I reveled in the moment as our tongues danced together. When he set me down, I had to speak.

  “Rand, it’s lovely. I didn’t know there was another painting in the collection.” He was smiling glad that I truly liked it. I then had to finish conveying my thoughts to him. “Rand I’m sorry I came here late today, I wasn’t going to come.”

  “Wait, did you just say you weren’t coming?”

  “Yes, I felt like I was being dishonest to you because I read a message you received when you played at the 2nd Street Coffee Café. You’re definitely keeping something from me.”

  “Madison I asked you to trust me, can you do that?”

  I completely ignored his question and kept right on speaking. “I drank so much that night at your show because of that message and then I saw some of the other messages.”

  “Do you think I am keeping something from you that will hurt you, would I ever hurt you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I really need to know, Rand who is “G”?”

  Again, there was a long pause before he spoke, “Madison I should talk to you about her,” he pulled me to sit on the bed. My head started to reel and I felt this wasn’t going to be good, but I needed to hear this. Rand was about to speak when he heard Maxwell calling for him from downstairs. Maxwell also sent a message to his phone that he had returned from picking up very important guests and for Rand to come down to greet them, right now. I stood behind Rand as he started down the hall to the stairs as I was about to dart off into the bathroom to cry. I was so frustrated at not finishing our conversation.

  He stopped and turned to me and smiled, “I promise I will never hurt you and we’ll continue this conversation later, but please trust me.” I was a big girl so I sucked it up and followed behind him and wondered what he would have just told me had we not been interrupted. I figured before the night ended I would know.

  As we reached the bottom of the stairs, Rand went ahead and I heard him say, “Welcome!” I heard a female voice lightly speaking telling Rand that she was so thankful to him for getting her here. I came around him to see who was here and froze. Rand looked at me, then to his guests then back to me, and I hadn’t even blinked yet then he looked back to his guests. Rand broke the stunned stares. “Madison, this is “G”, you know Grace, your mother.”

  I stood and tears filled my eyes, I didn’t know what to do. Should I hug her? Run upstairs and pitch a fit for him not telling me and throwing me to her here and now? I thought “G” was a girlfriend, so many things raced in my head. Before me now standing was an older vision of myself. I never thought it was my mother he was getting messages from. I noticed that my Uncle Jake was holding on to her, standing at her side and keeping her steady as she looked so nervous and just as stunned as I did. Rand walked to me and held me up as well.

  He whispered in my ear, “Madison I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t mean to have you not trust me. I wanted to surprise you. I found her after your father died while I was in Galveston and looked them up. I went and met them with Maxwell. I told her your father passed away and I kept in touch with her hoping she would accept my plane tickets and visit you on Christmas.”

  “I can’t believe you did all this,” I quietly said to him.

  “Well, Maxwell and I made all the arrangements for getting them from the airport to a hotel stay the past few nights. You can thank Maxwell he brought them here today, so I could stay to see you first.”

  I glanced at Maxwell and mouthed thank you.

&n
bsp; “Madison, I know you’ve missed her and I wanted to help you be reunited.” He was done whispering and lightly kissed my cheek. I was shaking. I was so scared to do the wrong thing. I turned and hugged him and cried and didn’t want to take my arms off him. I asked if I could talk to him for a moment.

  We walked down the side hall toward the sunroom. I noticed that there were yet two more decorated holiday trees in the sunroom bringing my silent count to seven. I told him I was frightened. I didn’t know how to act, that there is no book written to tell you how to handle something like this. He told me he would be right there with me and not leave my side. He wiped my face and then kissed it all over to clean up any remaining wetness and said for me to go say hello to my mother. I held his hand so tightly. I walked with him step by step.

  I hugged my mother with my other arm since I never let Rand’s hand loose. I then held my Uncle Jake gently too. My mother started to cry. I told her in between my sobs, “Mom we need not relive the past and who did what wrong or right, I’m so grateful to have you standing here at this moment.”

  “Madison, you are lovely, I never thought I would see the day with us together again.”

  “It has been so long Mom.” It was a giant step that she and my uncle came all this way for me, and a greater step that Rand had put this all together for me. I felt sad that I had doubted him thinking the worst. My heart hurt. I had hoped that someday perhaps Rand would feel this ache too. It was a good hurt, perhaps one day his father Paul would return or find a way to him.

  “Madison, I love you so much,” my mother said as she again hugged me and I still had not released Rand’s hand. I think he had lost blood to it from my hold as it felt chilled.

  This day could not have gotten any better, we all hugged and cried and ate and drank and it was truly a family holiday. Maxwell was very kind to have helped Rand with all this and he enjoyed conversation with my Uncle Jake a lot. They both liked discussing music. My mother and I shared moments of conversation, first about how long it has been since we have seen one another. We then focused on the present. A lot of our talk was about Rand.