Rock Notes

ROCK NOTES

  Book One of the Heartbeat Series

  By

  Renee Lee Fisher

  Copyright © 2013 Renee Lee Fisher

  Credits

  Rock Notes Copyright © 2012 by Renee Lee Fisher

  All Rights Reserved. This edition is copywritten. No reproduction or utilization of this edition without written permission from the author.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and scenarios are a product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.

  Book cover design by: SelfPubBookCovers.com

  Edited by: Meredith Bowery

  Formatted by: BB eBooks

  Dedication

  To my one and only Love

  You’re the music that makes my heart beat…how do we keep the music playing?

  A note for Jeff:

  One needs not to see the music to actually feel its impact. Life is sometimes like the Blues.

  To a wonderful Author:

  A very special “thank you” to Kallypso Masters who has clearly taken me under her wing. She has guided me, educated me, and assisted me on many avenues of writing. A thank you seems a small token for all her generosity.

  Chapters

  Title Page

  Credits

  Dedication

  Prologue – Empty

  Chapter One – Meeting

  Chapter Two – Traveling

  Chapter Three – Bejeweled

  Chapter Four – Heartfelt Friends

  Chapter Five – Ashley Revealed

  Chapter Six – Thomas’s Return

  Chapter Seven – A Love Lost

  Chapter Eight – Old habits never die

  Chapter Nine – Turkey Day

  Chapter Ten – Where We Began

  Chapter Eleven – Joyous Occasion

  Chapter Twelve – New Year’s Rocking Eve

  Epilogue – Starting Line

  Author’s Notes

  Definitions

  Follow the “Heartbeat Series”

  Prologue – Empty

  Oh my god, sinking to the hardwood floor beneath me, I can’t breathe, just a slight breath is escaping me, my chest hurts, my head is ringing, pounding and banging inside. Tears are running from my eyes stinging and stinging, this cannot be happening. I cannot move, frozen in my body and pain is taking over a hurt so deep and so raw. God I cannot stop hyperventilating, I hurt so bad, I hurt so badly. I am shivering and shaking and my chest is pumping in and out in a nervous motion as I think or try to think. I reach my quivering hands up to my face to wipe the streams of tears that will not stop.

  “Oh god help me,” I repeat over in my head or aloud unable to be certain…I cannot stop shaking, I cannot stop the dull ache in my belly, I cross my arms and rock back and forth and drop my head to bob it up and down, while I whimper… What have I done so bad, he was my rock, my safe haven, what have I done wrong, why is this happening to me after all this time, not me, not after all these years…what we had is gone, I am empty, all my love has drained from my body, I am so empty, my heart is completely broken, broken forever. I am so alone…

  Chapter One – Meeting

  I am in a new part of my life, driving through an early spring day, air thick with falling petals swirling about. I think back to where I was months ago and I remember my marriage ending. It was a horrible cycle of emotions for me, first came so many tears and pain. Then I had so many questions as to why was I suddenly replaced with a woman that he hired to work in his office. I thought we had a solid and secure relationship. His walking away from me was staggering. I then suffered loss of self esteem and later I found anger which was hard for me to release, I kept so much inside. I still carry with me a self-doubt. I’m not sure I can rely on my judgment enough to trust any future partner. My husband ending our marriage knocked me down, but each new road I travel, I will get stronger. I turn on the radio to hear something to sway my mood. The music immediately takes me away on a journey as I travel briefly from traffic light to traffic light through town. Seems like the changing of the light pattern is in a sequence of musical themes like the chorus repeating over and over, red – yellow – green. Go – it is now time for me to go and begin my journey writing about the band. Conveying through my words their passion, their singing, and their playing to becoming seasoned musicians. I follow all the traffic to the concert this evening.

  This is my story Rock Notes.

  “Max, Max, Max Rand excuse me, do you have a moment to talk to me?” I closed in on the far corner of the stage. I had purchased a front row ticket to this evening’s local concert to take in tunes and set myself up for the possibility of conversation. “I know you don’t know who I am so let me introduce myself. I am Madison Tierney, call me Madison or Maddy. I am a freelance creative writer, once a columnist and now I’m writing a book titled, “Rock Notes” which I follow a band in depth, and I’d like that to be your band “Rolling Isaac’s.” I didn’t want to intrude on his time, so I simply said, “I know you have so many young ladies wanting you to sign autographs and their bodies,” I smiled and continued to talk in a confident manner, “but I just wanted to give you my business card in case we can speak in the near future or have your band representation contact me.”

  Looking up at Max and his combination of youthful and mature yet awesome, truly awesome good looks, I shouted out “Oh and I thought the show was great.” I beamed about it trying to remain calm, as I was more mature, rather than getting all flustered by a mere young band playing.

  Max looked me over from his vantage point above and smiled a kind brim and nodded. I drank in all his chiseled features and his dark chocolate, delicious hair that had tousled all over during the concert, looking very sexy like he had been rolling in bed for hours. It was then that he turned slightly to jump down and he placed his stunning, well built arms on the edge of the stage and the tattoo under his sleeve peeked briefly through. He was wearing a tight white long sleeve tee pushed up onto his forearms, and he was completely soaked with his sweet sweat from singing to the crowd. I wasn’t certain what was inked on him but I knew it drew me in. It was colorful and his tee shirt sleeve was stuck to him. I could see his firm, fit stomach also as the tee clung to his torso. I looked up, startled to see he was now standing in front of me and still smiling tenderly. He took my hand gently and slightly slid his finger over my fingertip as sensation ran through me, it was only for him to take the business card but it left me sort of out of breath, scattered my thoughts for a moment. His eyes pulled me in like an inviting Caribbean ocean, they were a deep tropical blue and his dark eyelashes swept over them. I had to rethink and tell my body to blink as I was captivated. I thanked him and hoped to hear from him and as he walked back I stood and stared at his tall frame and truly awesome body…he did not turn around. I went to finally leave when my feet would allow me to move them and I glanced back to take in the entire empty, darkened stage only to see him leaning on the far side and sending a smile and wink my way. I looked around to see if it was meant for someone else and then back to him where he laughed and nodded his head to me.

  I walked to my car and thought about Max Rand and our brief meeting and I was concerned about my attire for some odd reason…as it took me hours to decide earlier what to put together which was very unlike me. It was like taking time to prep for a date. I kept reselecting pieces from my closet to make me look a bit more hip and trendy. Finally I had chosen simple jeans, black boots and a black top with open shoulder areas. The appliqué on the shirt was a striking detailed cross with hearts that seemed to dance across the top and wrap to the back, almost like a hug, I added a black gem belt. Checking my look in the mirror, I was content and headed to the concert. I was just about to take hold of the car handle when my cell ph
one sounded, its timing making me think I set off my car alarm. I reached into my pocket and was surprised to read:

  I watched your nervous smile, and caught a glimpse of the top you wore, one of my inks looks like it. I sing yes, but I am also believe it or not, involved in the band’s representation…can we continue our conversation at a quiet space tomorrow? Max Rand

  I fumbled for a reply to him, could this actually be happening, he was contacting me in mere moments? I sent him a voice text as a reply –

  Yes, sure. Under my breath I said absolutely.

  That was so stupid of me, an adult to say yes, sure, and he probably heard me say absolutely…what was I thinking, I had to be in control of this proposal for my writing and I should not feel like a school girl, shy and nervous, my phone sounded again.

  I can meet you in Philly. There’s a coffee house there. It’s the 2nd Street Coffee Café. I began in the biz there and I hang out there upstairs. Meet you at two o’clock. The address is the name. I got the first cup.

  Wow was this really happening, I decided to take control of my life for once and go after the stories I wanted to write and now I was going to possibly have my foot in the door per se. I replied:

  Sounds great…I’ll be there

  Of course I would be there. That is all that I could say to him without sounding too over anxious. I smiled to myself and opened my car and positioned myself behind the wheel ready to start to take control of my life.

  I drove out of the city skyline to my townhouse. I had just begun to make it my new home over the past few months. The collapse of my marriage was devastating. My husband of ten years, Thomas, came to an epiphany that he just wasn’t in love with me anymore. He had taken me to bed and poured his heart out about how we were soul mates and destined to be together in the end, but there was something missing for him. As we made love that evening trying, I thought, to save or recapture what he felt he was lacking, I was unaware that this was his goodbye to me. He held me in his arms until dawn, but when I awoke he had left and moved out. I broke down and since I was always the one in the shadows of him, I had no real confidence to stand alone or walk tall. I was lost and lacked all confidence in my ability to love another. I didn’t find out right away, but the dark, ugly truth eventually made it out into the open. The fact was that Thomas found someone else, but apparently did not want to come right out and tell me that himself.

  We met in college, as I was deciding to be an English Major to write or do something like that with my degree; he had all his ducks in a row and set goals and was heading for the big business world. He had followed in his family’s steps and was soon interning with a leading financial company and heading for the top. Great pay, high-rise condo in the city, convertible automobile of the latest year and me as his wing person, just along for the ride and always in the shadows. He loved me I know but I always felt he could do better with someone showier, someone that wanted the life that he sought after. For me hanging in sweatpants and cami tops all day and writing different poems and stories was pure satisfaction. We had been in love and enjoyed so many memories together for ten years. He kept striving for the top so we put off any plans of starting a family and I was content with that as I had come from a slightly dysfunctional family that the peace and calm of just him and I was perfect.

  We had a beautiful over the top wedding with all the trimmings. Thomas’s family planned it all and the only say I got was that I loved crème tea roses with dark pink edges and so on my wedding day the only thing I remember smiling at was that there were a few of my favorite flowers. I really just wanted it simple but he wanted to show the world that he was getting married, only for me to find out later that the company he was working for wanted their employees married to show a secure status and responsibility. Now I wonder if he was really in love with me or was it a business tactic.

  Pulling into my driveway, I was finally reaching a comfort level in my life that took so long to get to after my breakdown. My townhome was quite comfortable with several extra rooms. One of the rooms held my desk and all my writings strewn about and another was filled with music for me to enjoy as I wrote. It also contained various art pieces, treasures I carefully selected. These rooms became a source of comfort for me, it became my tiny slice of heaven, a safety net for me to be in and feel secure.

  I threw my keys on the table in the entranceway and entered my bedroom and saw all the clothing choices I picked through earlier for the evening all over the floor. I laughed at my mess and climbed up onto my bed. I reached for my notebook, tucked my knees comfortably and began to write a handwritten note for Max Rand.

  Max Rand:

  As I sat this evening in the front row of your Philadelphia Concert, I was all too captivated by you. I am not certain in my lifetime that you will ever read this, my first love letter to you, nor have the opportunity to read my words as I write them. I just knew that something touched me deep inside as I sat below the stage and watched you and the band begin to perform. As the show progressed I could not take my eyes from you, not in a star struck way, but I felt I was pulled in by some force to you. I know this is crazy as I had just met you but I felt I knew you for such a long time.

  My heart is not in a good place right now, I still feel something tugging inside and I knew that you started that pull. Let me tell you that your blue eyes are so warming, they searched the crowd and landed on mine and I felt them envelope me. So many fans were on their feet tonight dancing and singing all the words to your songs. I sat firmly in my seat, mostly because I felt if I stood that my legs might weaken mainly due to how your passion was coming through in your music and it made me crumble.

  Max, as I handed you my business card I wondered how I could love you and fall for you. It was almost love at first sight. I guess this is pretty sappy for me writing about you like this, and it feels as though I am gushing with my first never to be read love letter. This will be added to my Love Notes and be like my secret diary. For now I will await our next encounter and see what feeling comes to me at the sight of your face or the sound of your voice.

  Maddy xo

  My eyes tired from writing and I drifted into thought. I am not sure if I’m still awake daydreaming or if I have actually fallen asleep. I was again at the concert from this evening and as they announced the band, Rolling Isaac’s I was looking and searching to connect with Max’s eyes and there they were. He sought me out and winked and never took his deep blue eyes from me…he reached out on one song, his hand stretching toward me and almost touching me as I reached toward him. Wanting that touch, wanting that feeling…wanting a brief passing of his igniting sensation. He got on his knees and his hands were clasped around the microphone as if in prayer. He was deep in a ballad and pouring his heart into it. He looked at me and I sank, it was so very crushing, it tore at my heart.

  I was all wrapped up in the sheets and woke to music coming from my programmed ring tone on my cell phone, a tune from Tenth Avenue North called Love is Here. I exhaled and for that moment in my dream, love was there. I was still in my clothes from the concert, twisting in the sheets. Who was calling me now, and what time was it? I glanced at the clock it was already after eight in the morning. I slept through and Jillian called. I missed meeting up with her at eight to head to the gym. I reached out and dialed her back, and told her I was so tired and slept in but would meet her later in the week.

  Jillian had become my rock over the past months. She was the first to enter the door to the high rise condo my husband and I shared after he left me. She had to pick me up, carry me and take care of me for many days. She taught me to lean on myself and take control and never be so dependent on another that I would lose myself. We shared so many girl talks and girl days together. My phone now sounded with a text that she would catch me later and hoped my tiredness was because I met someone and had fun and a late night. Although she knew that had not happened over all these months and she knew that I was not seeking that she asked anyway. I had been so deepl
y hurt that I didn’t think I could go that route ever again.

  Now that I was up I stripped down and decided to take a shower and see what was ahead of me for today as I had to meet Max Rand. Just then while in thought for the afternoon my phone sounded and a text came through. I thought Jillian was reaching out again to make the gym a little later but it was from Max.

  Good morning Madison, hope you’re free later tonight. I have rehearsal and if our conversation goes well, you can come meet the band. It’ll give them a chance to decide about you writing about us. Hope you slept well.

  Wow, I stood there, completely nude, reading this and the water in the shower continued to run, if only he knew how great I slept. I dreamt of him. This was chilling to my naked body, but in such a good way.

  The rest of the morning seemed to drag; it is always like this when you want to be someplace. I caught up on cleaning since my clothes were all over and also prepared an outline for my writings in hopes my project was approved.

  Soon it was time for me to leave to meet him. As I was driving into the city it took me back to Thomas and me living there before. I was happy and in love then. Thomas still lived downtown, and still almost like it was written on his calendar, would call me and leave a message of how he was thinking of me each month that has passed since he left and since the divorce. Each time he would leave in the message that he knew that we would be back together sometime in the future but he needed time to find himself, or he’d say he wasn’t there yet. He never admitted to me that he left me for another woman. I heard he moved on real quickly with a new office intern, that he handpicked for the position but I heard it wasn’t all that wonderful lately and there was trouble early on in their new paradise. I never took his calls because as angry as I felt inside, I admit I was weak and I would have broken down and taken him back. I would have liked closure, to hear him tell me his side of what happened. After all the time that has passed, I still felt something for him for all those years together as man and wife. We all make mistakes or wrong decisions and I always believe in second chances. I think he may have been convincing and I would have crumbled.

  I was going round and round on the city streets hoping to park close to the coffee shop, but luck was not on my side for parking. I finally managed to take a spot as someone was leaving but several streets over, so my afternoon arrival time was delayed by about fifteen minutes. When I arrived I walked in and was greeted by the employee behind the counter in a very friendly manner. Before I could tell him I was meeting someone he told me that Max was upstairs already. Upward I went and smiled at the idea that Max already alerted the coffee staff of my impending arrival.

  Max was deep in thought and writing in a journal as I approached. He wore cool looking silver rimmed reading glasses that he had not worn on stage and a hat that snuggled down covering his ears. He looked so everyday, average, but still very breathtaking in his normalcy. I was surprised as he seemed reserved and not exposed as when he was up the stage last evening with screaming girls surrounding him. He looked simple, still drop dead good looking but he camouflaged it this afternoon with not having a tight tee, tight jeans or the cuff bracelet. He had worn a leather cuff bracelet last evening that he had kissed before raising his hand to the crowd at the end of the show. I wanted to ask him about that gesture but figured I would in time if I saw him do it again in concert. Today, if I didn’t know I was meeting him, the same Max Rand from last night, I would have passed this guy by on a street. His attire was toned down, plain loose black tee with an open buttoned shirt over top, loose and worn and torn jeans and it appeared work boots. I pulled out the chair across from him as he looked up; he was really lost in thought there for the moment.

  He paused and then complimented the color of my shirt. I felt the heat as he was staring at my chest. “Madison, wow, you look so warm.”

  “I’m not warm, I feel fine.”

  “No, I mean your shirt color highlights your dark hair and sends a warm glow. I guess I am stumbling here for something nice to say. But you look good. You’re good looking and you remind me of the warmer days coming.” He also sniffed in the air and said, “You smell good, really good.”

  “I guess thank you and thank you, you may make me blush.”

  Wow, did he just floor me with a compliment, and he actually smelled my Light Blue fragrance, even though I only applied a trace of it. I felt shifted in my thoughts. I had to gain composure and so I blurted out nervously, “Glad you could meet me so soon.” I spoke in a professional manner trying to sound more and more confident.

  He smirked and simply replied “Yeah, sure absolutely.” Sounding just like me last night. He asked how I liked my coffee and took the liberty of ordering some lunch selections since if this went well, he wanted me to head to meet the band so there wasn’t time for food until much later.

  We began talking and I explained to him that I was following my dream of writing and had certain pieces that I wanted to complete and put together in a collection. One was to get in depth with a band. Why his band? Well I had heard them play a tune months back called Missing Ash and during the lowest time in my life, I had downloaded it and played it too often as I wrote at home in my writing room. I dared not tell him that, all I said was, “I have heard great chatter about the Rolling Isaac’s.” Also, since they were a local band from Philly. I could easily attend a lot of their shows and perhaps get stories from them to write about.

  I drifted in thought for a moment; here I was trying to start a conversation and hearing Thomas in my head telling me that my writings were good, although he never really cared to read them. They weren’t making him the big bucks in the corporate world so he just seemed to pass me over. But I had been so in love with him, perhaps I should have ignored my passion of writing and been more in tune with him.

  “Madison, hey come back”…Max was seeking my reply. I jumped as he lightly touched my hand as it lay near my untouched coffee. It felt comfortable, safe and he kept fingers on top of my hand.

  “You zoned on me, where did you just go?” He asked. I apologized to him as I slid my hand out and took a sip of coffee. I told him that I drift often into thoughts that take me away for a moment but not thoughts I want to stay in.

  I started the conversation explaining that if I wasn’t going to be an intrusion or bother tagging along with them, I wanted to cover them and get some real raw, natural experiences of the band. The talent, their hopes, and what they gave up to have their dreams. I told him it could be for a few months or longer but that would depend on if it became bothersome for me to be with them. I knew they played in Philly often but knew they traveled about as well. I told him the travel wouldn’t be a problem and would be at my own expense. In between my speaking with him I managed to take in some bites of food, but I was still nervous. I felt like I was on a first date. I was trying to settle myself and continued to tell him some of my story.

  My husband Thomas made a lot of money and he thought to leave me a nice divorce settlement. He did this despite saying that we would never be over. I guess his leaving me for someone else helped him to not have the guilt of carrying on an affair and staying married. I think he felt that he could try out this new woman and if it didn’t work then he would have me in the wings. I lived a simple life so the monetary agreement would surely carry me far. But I didn’t tell Max any of this, I just looked into the dark blue eyes that I had dreamt of and was stunned that they were the same blue as in my dream. I told him I was in a position to do my own travel and would not be any burden to them. I did then produce for him several pieces of writing that I published in the past from being a column writer for years at the city paper and then to a few books that were out on the shelves of several bookstores. None were best sellers, but to me, humble accomplishments. I had so many confidence steps to climb in my life now but I think I was feeling like I was on the second step.

  Max glanced at the portfolio of items I brought supporting my occupation and smiled. He said, “I know ex
actly who you are, I followed your weekly column. You wrote the editorial piece a few years ago supporting bands. It highlighted a new, up and coming band, our band the Rolling Isaac’s.” Max continues “I still have the clipped article someplace back on The Wall. That’s what we call it where we rehearse and where the band tacks up our memorabilia. You should see this wall it’s freaking awesome!” He flashed me a devilish smile and said. “Slapped all over are new items about us, photos of our loved ones, and many we have loved and left the next day.”

  I shook at that last statement; I had been drawn in by his keepsake of the article, but then stunned by the morning after thought. Thomas had left me the morning after, left me after ten years. I had been so caught up in him that I lost me.

  I could feel his eyes, warmth focused in on me and I moved around in my seat. As we talked I couldn’t help thinking about the other girls. I was trying to convince him to let me follow the band, but I knew I was different from them. I knew that I was about eight years older than Max Rand. Nothing that he said or did made me feel old, but that was just one way I was different than the rest of his followers.

  “What the hell, a pretty, smart lady asks to write about me and the band, I say yes, and you can start by calling me Rand. I’m done with hearing the girls scream “Max”. I tune them out. You though Madison I would listen to. It also gets confusing with me being Max and my Uncle Maxwell. Rand makes it easier. So I say, it’s a go,” Max said.

  “Then Rand it is, thank you.” I cheerfully sounded, and I nodded to agree.

  After a few more bites of food from Rand’s lunch selections, I started to ramble a bit. I paused only when he would eat as I followed the food to the edges of his lips. I was getting easily distracted, but then I calmed myself and told Rand a little about why I was pursuing this project now. I explained that I’d been through a painful divorce and I was beginning a new chapter in my life. I offered little in the way of details, hoping to make it clear I didn’t want to revisit this subject. I needed to take a moment in my life to recapture my dream and goals and was hopeful that he could help me with that. I talked innocently to him about losing love and wanting to fill my days now with work and keep busy – that love wasn’t something for me anymore. Rand looked and closed his eyes for a moment and there was something else that appeared in the blue when he reopened them, something in his thoughts but I didn’t press. He knew I sought out approval for this venture with them, so he again said it was no problem.

  Rand said, “Madison, all of us hurt and have been cut deep. We look for a new start, if we can ever find it.” I wasn’t sure where that part of our conversation was heading but he smiled warmly at me.

  “Ready? Let’s go” he said and grabbed my hand and tucked his journal under his other arm. I felt his fingers just hold the edges of my first three fingers lightly. He never paid a tab, but left a large bill under my unfinished coffee cup. He led me down the steps, waved goodbye to the staff, and we walked out to the black Hummer parked in the very front space. He released my fingers very slowly, in a way that made me shiver. I reached in my portfolio case and pulled out my voice recorder and hit record. I began to say with excitement in my voice, “This is the start of my writing Rock Notes.” He opened the door for me, as he walked to the other side, in my whisper voice that began to shake on my recorder; I added “OMG!”

  We drove about forty five minutes to where they had their space to rehearse. It was out in the suburbs of the city, in Bucks County. As we pulled up onto the location I stared at the oversized, completely redone barn. It was a sight to take in. I had seen many old barns, but this has a modern twist to its exterior. The architecture was beautifully done, not where I expected a band would rehearse. There were several acres of cleared, rolling green property that surrounded it and there was a custom built home off in the corner. It was such an awesome home; it looked like something from that television show on HGTV would have built. I wondered if their rehearsals were a nuisance to the neighbors. When I questioned him on it, he simply replied that he knows the owner and the owner never complains. We had exchanged brief conversation in the car, mostly about how much mileage does the Hummer get, weather and stupid, yes stupid, conversation topics from me. I had blundered through the conversation, but most of the unspoken communication came from Rand. He often glanced over at me and smiled, just simply smiled. I put music on and when it was their music on his playlist I said stupidly, “This is a great tune.” Again, Rand flashed me his simple smile, not telling me how dumb I was coming across.

  When we pulled into the open area to park in front of the barn, he told me to wait. He came around and opened the Hummer door for me. Thomas had not done this in years; I always let myself out of my side. It was such a nice gesture from Rand and the start of our business together and I hoped that the band would be as comfortable and welcoming to me.

  Where do I begin? The band, all too charming, and hot looking, not as charming as Rand, and definitely not the heat of Rand’s looks, but they were like a band of brothers to one another. Don’t get me wrong, they talked up their stories of the girls they won and tossed. Yes tossed, and their words pitted in my stomach but I knew I had to suppress that and be calm. Rand even said, “Madison, good luck with us, you may not like us, other days you may, but don’t fall for any of us, we’re dysfunctional.”

  “Who’s not functional?” was shouted by one of the band members from behind us. That gave us all cause to laugh and then I then began to meet each of the band members.

  Introductions began with none other than Isaac; the person the band was named after. He was a local to the Philly area, and from what I had seen one incredible guitar player. I was introduced to him as my front row.

  I asked, “Why was I named that?”

  “Rand saw you in the front row of our show and he never took his eyes off you.” Isaac’s answer tugged at my heart.

  Isaac seemed to be the loudest of the members and oh so ready to party. He already had a few girls waiting for him. Hoping for a kiss and that he might stay with them. I’m not sure if he needed this attention as he was a confident guy. My first take on Isaac was he was the life of any party.

  I was talking with him about what I do for a living, and Rand came and tugged at him for a moment. Rand said something to him and then Isaac replied, “Hell yes, to the front row chick.” Just like that, I was approved to follow along with them.

  The other members then came over and were introduced to me. Next I spoke with Raeford who played the drums. He was from the Midwest, Decatur, Illinois. He was the silent one of the band I was told, and he looked so much like Usher. Rand had filled me in that Raeford brought the funk and soul to some of their songs. To me, he seemed mysterious, quiet but when I saw him on the drums the evening before he went off, so I knew he had another side.

  I was introduced to Ron and Kent last. Ron was their keyboard player, wearing sunglasses indoors – in the evening. I wasn’t sure what that was about but he was very friendly. Ron welcomed me aboard and told me he was from the south. He had a slight southern drawl and was very kind. Kent was from upstate in Pennsylvania, from a small town called Clarkes Summit and he was the bass player. He was the most muscular, or should I say overly muscular, he would intimidate any person at a gym. He was very solid and fit and had a shaved head and a few piercings. He said he was destined for the military until he met up with these guys and music took over. As Kent approached me, he did not hesitate to pick me up and twirl me about and then he planted, yes planted, solidly a kiss right on my lips. I was shocked for the moment and they all laughed and he released me. The only one who seemed annoyed was Rand. He shook his head “no” to Kent and then Kent smirked at him as he simmered in his joyous greeting.

  Rand told the rest of the band that I was going to write about them and to be themselves and pretend I wasn’t there so I could capture them raw and real as much as possible. Rand then took me over to an area that was the loft of the barn, completely furnished with sof
as and chairs and a bar that overlooked their practice stage area. As he left to head down to practice he said “Madison there’s beer, help yourself and get writing. I believe it will be very interesting.”

  I pulled out my voice recorder and spoke into it a lot of my initial thoughts. I also pulled out my portfolio and laptop and began to type and type. The title read alone on a full page – Rock Notes. The band practiced for several hours, I periodically got up and stretched. I turned away and decided to help myself to a beer, well a few in the timeframe and then I walked over behind the sofa area to see The Wall up close and personal. This was amazing; it was huge and had a backdrop on it like a brick wall. I scanned over all the contents and in the center was the band’s name, Rolling Isaac’s and in each area of the wall a band member had a large area of their name and keepsakes. I saw Rand’s area and there were photos of him with many, many young girls. So many photos of him with his microphone, on his knees singing and it looked like he was on the verge of crying. Next to one of these photos was a beautiful photo of a girl, so model like in looks. She had dark hair similar to his in color and shoulder length like his. She also had the most beautiful blue eyes. Next to this picture, were words signed by Rand, it read, I will forever love you Ashley. It took my breath away for a moment and I thought that perhaps this was the love of his life. Maybe it went bad, or perhaps they were still together, although I wasn’t about to ask.

  I saw many newspaper clippings and articles about all of them posted all over The Wall. I searched to see if my column was there and it was. I reread what I had written several years ago and I was surprised at the end of the article to see a circle around my name. Yes, just below my column photo, there was a definite circle around just my name, Freelance Columnist – Madison Tierney.

  It was a good piece of writing if I say myself and it brought the band a lot of attention. I had done research on different bands in the city and had listened to their earlier music and critiqued it and wrote a piece about their sound and their following, although I never met them. So here I was now after meeting them, and I smiled that here I was a piece of their famous Wall.

  Throughout their rehearsal I caught many moments of Rand staring at me. He was singing and it felt as if he was driving his voice right through me. I was always a fan of Rock music and when Rand began to sing a slow ballad, I was unable to move, I felt weak as it tore me up. It was about love lost and the emptiness you undergo and time spent on love that was gone in a moment. I wasn’t sure if he had glanced my way then to see the tears in my eyes but I hoped he hadn’t because I didn’t want him to think I was that pathetic. Love lost was definitely where I was. He glanced up to me in the loft as soon as he finished the final melody, adding another verse without anyone playing the music. It was then that I turned away with tear filled eyes and I walked over to choke down another beer hoping to dissolve the lump in my throat.

  As their evening rehearsal, or should I say early morning rehearsal came to a close, he headed up to me in the loft area. Some of the band guys had earlier invited some of their friends which were girls, to come hang out near the stage during their rehearsal. I stayed up in the loft the entire time away from them putting some of my thoughts to notes. I was watching Rand as he had stopped, yet again, to kiss another pretty young girl and patted her on the ass.

  When he reached me I said, “So are you spreading the love?”

  He replied, “Madison, I have no love, I just make them feel good. Actually, I feel nothing.” He said, “I lost love for anything long ago.” I felt bad for starting this conversation and told him I was sorry for the intrusion into his personal life. I had a few too many beers and I know I tend to get all curious and weepy when I drink. I gathered my belongings and then he pulled my hand toward him but I wasn’t certain where we were going. I thought we’d go back to get my car in the city, but then he said, “Madison, come with me,” in a serious, sexy tone. A few girls were hooking up with some of the band members. Isaac was loud in shouting out to two girls that they were both for him this morning. Rand never said goodbye to them, he just waved a hand up and we walked from the loft to outside into the morning darkness and then down the path toward the house just beyond.

  As we walked I asked him if we were going to wake anyone at this house. I also suggested to him that I only lived out by the National Park, only about a half hour away so if it wouldn’t be a problem he could just take me home instead of all the way to the city for my car. He did not answer; he simply took hold of my hand and led me closer to the grand front door. When we got in front he removed a key and opened the door to a beautiful, lavish wooden foyer. Rand then spoke. “I’ve had too many beers and you look beat, I say we get your car when the sun comes up.” He then said as he brushed past my ear tucking a fine wisp of hair behind my ear, “Madison, make yourself comfortable in my home. You can crash down in any of the rooms upstairs. There are plenty of boxes of the band’s tee shirts if you want to change, help yourself. He continued with, “You’re now part of our band” and his eyes sparkled and he smiled and then he headed toward the kitchen.

  “Madison what can I get you?” he asked with an intriguing tone.

  While what I really preferred is to spend more time with him, even at this late hour, I replied, “I don’t need anything but thank you, all I really need is some sleep.” He laughed and replied, “I’m getting cases of Red Bull for you to keep up with us on the road.”

  “Don’t worry I will keep up, today was just a long introduction.”

  “Madison we have only just begun, but sleep well.”

  It really had been a very long afternoon and evening, and I was mentally exhausted trying to process all that had happened today. I headed toward the upper level and went in the very first room to crash. I laid my body on the first bed I saw not bothering with my clothes. Since it was spring and the evening weather was nice, I had worn a crème colored lace cami top with a floral sweater over it and jeans, but I barely recall slipping the sweater over my head.

  Once my eyes closed, my thoughts turned to Rand, lost soul, lost love, so similar to me but then on stage he was so confident and sure of himself and his place in the world. That confidence was something that I lacked. He attacked the stage and all his charm and stunning looks dissolved those that set their eyes or minds on him. My mind kept trailing over and over about him. His deep blue eyes, his messy dark hair that just swept over his shoulder, his towering height, his hidden inks. I could think of nothing but him.

  I tensed for a moment when I felt someone hovering over me. I felt a breath and caught the scent of Rand fresh from a shower. I was lying on my side and I slightly opened my eyes. I knew I was seeing him, not dreaming. I could see him getting closer and I shut my eyes, remaining so very still. He reached down, took his curved fingers down my cheek, so slowly and tenderly and then he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. Trailing his mouth down from my forehead he placed a soft kiss on the side of my neck and then moved upward to the tip of my shoulder and he lightly bit at my cami strap. I was so completely shocked and although I wanted to reach around and tell him I was awake, I couldn’t move. I had hopes that in the darkness he didn’t see me see peak out at him moments earlier. He then whispered, “Night Madison” and he tugged off my boots and pulled a light blanket over me.

  When the sun appeared in the bedroom I awoke all nervous, I got up and went to the bathroom. I had to search my purse for items to make myself presentable. It had only been about four hours that I slept. I gathered my boots and put my sweater back on and went downstairs to find Rand already wide awake and in the kitchen making us some breakfast.

  “I’m starving,” he said looking at me like he was ready to devour me. “Madison what are you hungry for?”

  He made me hesitate to answer him, I was definitely hungry for him. “I think I could eat something.” My stomach was excited and jumping inside just from seeing him so relaxed and cooking.

  “Your phone has been vibrating all morni
ng.”

  “What’s vibrating?” I was too focused on his body and didn’t hear his words.

  “Your phone, you left it on the steps last night with your computer.”

  “Oh, okay that’s what was vibrating.” I was still watching his body in motion, and was thinking of how I would like him to make me stir. He caught me staring at him and I looked away and then I remembered I had silenced my phone during their practice and then powered it up when we walked over to the house. I had to pull myself together so I went to retrieve my phone and I looked at all the missed messages, they were from Jillian. I hollered back, “Rand, I just need a few minutes to check my messages.” I went into his main front room and dialed her back.

  “Where the hell are you?” Jillian yelled. She was so worried that I hadn’t called her and she stopped by my place having her own key and I was no where to be found. It took some effort to calm her but I told her briefly what had happened since the concert.

  “Jillian can you take me to Philly today to get my car? I don’t want to put Rand out anymore. I’ll just see if he can bring me back to my house.”

  “I’ll agree only on one condition, I want every single detail, don’t leave anything out, I want all of them!” I had to put my hand over the phone as she said this. She was so loud and I hoped Rand did not hear any of this.

  “Hey, I should go, I don’t want to be rude, he is making me breakfast,” I whispered to her.

  “No I bet you’re his breakfast…but I’ll come get you at noon. You can tell me then how great this sexy man is.”

  I didn’t get to comment, as she hung up too quickly. Rand flashed me a sexy smile when I returned to the kitchen, I wasn’t sure if he heard any of our conversation. I did look up at the high ceiling in his house and knew each word spoken echoed.

  “Wow this smells and looks so good,” I commented but wanted to say you look and smell so good.

  “Madison, take notes, you can write this too, I can cook and I am very good.” Again that sexy smile pursed on his lips.

  Before me was a breakfast feast. There were berry filled pancakes, sliced fruit, fresh squeezed orange juice and turkey sausage links and of course coffee made just like he had ordered for me at the coffee shop and it was in a large to go cup that read 2nd Street Coffee Café. I bet he had tons of these to go cups, he said he was a regular there.

  As we sat at breakfast Rand was still writing something in his journal.

  “Rand, this tastes delicious, thank you.”

  “Madison you seem so easy to please.”

  “I am a simple person, but I want to know about you, can I ask you a question?”

  “Ask away Madison.”

  “Well this is a lovely home” I began and “well did you always live here? Was it your parents’? How did you and the band meet? Who inspired your music?”

  Rand began, “Hey slow down, you said a question” he paused, “and that’s several questions. But, yes, this is my home; built the year after our band got our big break. I figured since my mother, Angela had passed away from cancer right before then and she left me money I would do something good. I had the recording studio built for our rehearsals. It honored her as I continued with my passion for music.”

  I looked at him and smiled tenderly and then wrote some notes. He continued to answer my numerous questions. “My inspiration was my grandfather Archer, he taught me music from as far back. He was great but he left this world before my mother.” Rand continued, “If I ever have a son he will be called Archer after my grandfather.” And there was a smile on Rand’s face like a child at an amusement park for the first time. I held his look of pure love that he displayed as he mentioned his mom and grandfather, it was so endearing and then doing what I do best, I blurted out, “What about your father is he proud of you?”

  “Well,” Rand replied in a serious tone, “not someone I want to discuss, to me he is Paul and right now dead to me. He never really acted like a father. When my mom got ill, he couldn’t handle it, he left. He hated I played music. Hated I was the singer in a band. He hated that Ashley was my biggest cheerleader. I’m young, I stayed out late, I drank and he told me I lacked responsibility and purpose. He told me to get a real job in the business world, but not be a singer in a band.”

  I looked at him as he answered and mouthed silently that I was sorry. I was sorry to hear about his mother passing and his dad’s desertion. I saw his eyes swell but not break, perhaps this was his love lost.

  I wanted to change the subject and said, “Rand, I have lost too, most recently, my husband, Thomas. We were married ten years. He just one day up and left me, for someone at his office. The one good memory that I have from my wedding was the flowers. They were my favorite – delicate crème roses with dark pink edging. I don’t want to bore you but Thomas had become my life and world for a long time. As for my family life, it’s only me. I was an only child. It was lonely. I guess that is why I love Jillian so.”

  I never stopped. Once I got started, I kept right on going. “And, to make my life crazier, my mother, Grace left my father, John and I for my father’s younger brother Jake. She and my uncle moved off to Galveston, Texas. I haven’t heard from her since.”

  Rand responded, “Wow your mom leaving with your uncle that’s hard.”

  “It was, and I found myself swamped with the memories of her abandoning us, of how it felt and how I knew that I’d never truly understand relationships again.”

  “Do you miss her?”

  “I do, she is my mother, but I never knew how to reach out to her. Since I was still with my father, I didn’t want to add to his sorrow of her departure. The only saving grace, per se, for my father during that awful time was that he didn’t need to raise me as I was already a teenager.”

  “So tell me about your father.”

  “Well, he was a police officer; he was a little tough on me since I was his only child. He recently retired but back during his days on the beat, he was strong like a Robocop. Everyone looked up to him. His fellow officers called him Mick, but everyone else called him Mr. McCormick out of respect. He was a very strong man but her leaving us really broke him I lived it and witnessed it.”

  “I miss my mother and uncle being part of my life. My mother was a true romantic and very creative so I think I have her to thank for my writing traits. But the romance part I no longer have. I hope I am not boring you with my story?”

  Rand looked happy that I was sharing stories with him, “Madison not at all, I like when you talk to me, you’re very…interesting.”

  I decided to continue and told him how I met Thomas after which I took a deep breath and then let out.

  “My father adores him, and when we divorced my father blamed it on me. He told me that I didn’t try hard enough to love and stay with Thomas. I haven’t had the chance to repair this relationship with my father, if there is any to fix. Even now my father and Thomas talk and get together, that hurts me.”

  “I’m sure he adores you, what’s not to like.” Rand took my hand into his and began to stoke his thumb over my knuckles. “Maybe in time you and your father will reconnect.” Rand could see me pushing through this with pained eyes so he changed the family topic rant of mine to geography. I was immediately grateful for his attempt to distract me and got lost in Rand’s story as he kept hold of my hand with his soothing light touch.

  He began to tell me that he always lived in the city and loved the vibe. He also explained how his music career all began by singing at the 2nd Street Coffee Café. Later, he ran into some other musicians and it was Isaac that shouted one drunken night for them to form a band. They all agreed to pursue this venture and their dreams of making their music together. It allowed them to combine their individual musical talents. They all fell into it quite nicely and the band in turn took off from local venues to now statewide venues. They decided together to name themselves Rolling Isaac’s as Isaac always rolled into the practice sessions late. They didn’t have a demanding schedu
le since they tried to stay grounded in normal life, but they did have a manager to oversee their schedules and travel and bookings.

  Rand told me about his Uncle Maxwell, who had been hired to be the band’s manager. He was Rand’s mother’s brother who took a special interest in Rand after is mother died and his father left. Maxwell was very good at the finances and the other business aspects of music. Rand’s Uncle Maxwell had never had any children and never married. He had built himself a nice bank account from working in the music industry early and no one to share with, except his nephew Rand. Maxwell took care of all the schedules and arrangements from the band’s equipment, to venue. He kept all the big things that went into a performance with the band low key. Maxwell took care of his guys and wanted them to focus on the music. Maxwell let them do what they did well; create their tunes while he ran around behind the scenes.

  Rand continued to tell me that he had been named after his uncle and always felt a strong bond with him. His uncle always encouraged Rand to write his own songs. He was very proud and never disappointed in the career path Rand chose. He believed Rand had such talent and his music was a true art form.

  The knowledge of his losses pained me since I too knew that feeling of loss. Rand then started on an upbeat note to change the tempo of our conversation. “This book is going to be great! You’re a good luck charm to our band when you write about us. Plus this time I’m looking forward to hanging with you.” I got up to help him with the dishes and he said, “Madison, leave it, go crash in the sunroom. I know you only slept a few hours.” I wasn’t about to disagree. I turned to head to the other room, as we were standing very close, he brought up his hand to the side of my cheek and touched me gently. Just as he did while I lay pretending to sleep last night. I gushed inside, I could not wait to share this with Jillian, but then I stopped. If he could not love then what was this? Just to make me feel good like he had with kissing those girls last night and many other nights in the past? I was confused and so I walked out into the stunning, bright sunroom.

  The décor was masculine but eclectic. Several music themed items were in there and the rays of sunshine warmed the room as I curled up in the taupe colored leather loveseat looking outdoors and taking in the property from this view. My eyelids got heavy and I drifted.

  My phone sounded and I jumped up. It was Jillian heading to my house already. Rand was lying at the other edge of the loveseat with me, leaving only about eight inches of separation between us and he was writing in his journal.

  “Can I bother you? I need to get home Jillian is coming to take me to get my car. I left it parked on 5th Street yesterday.”

  “No bother Madison, I can take you all the way to your car.”

  “No, Jillian is heading to my house anyway and she lives in the city so it’s not out of her way.”

  “Oh, that’s right you have a story to tell her, she wants to hear all about us.” He started to laugh.

  “Oh, I guess you heard our conversation.” I was blushing.

  I diverted that topic and said. “I just bought a new white Audi. I just didn’t want to leave it in the city too long.”

  “Hey don’t worry I’ll get you back and I’ll meet Jillian.” He laughed and then said, “If I don’t get you to her soon your phone will never stop ringing.”

  Jillian was already in my driveway when we arrived. Just like so many others, she knew who Max Rand was, but she’s never met him. When he jumped out and came to open my door, her eyes got large. And then, when he took my computer and belongings into his arm, she smiled brightly. When he walked up to my door and met with her, he took her hand lightly and introduced himself, and she melted. He had that way with all the girls and lately the grown women as well.

  “Rand thank you so much for the ride and the writing opportunity. I will talk to you later to go over your travel schedule.” I gave him a quick hug and started to move away.

  He pulled me close and said, “Madison, we leave in the morning. It’s going to be a packed schedule, first Florida, and then we come back to Philly for a few weeks. Then we have Atlanta, Texas and back here to Philly to regroup.” He then moved one hand to touch the side of my face as his lips lingered on my cheek what seemed a very long moment. I nervously pulled my face away, and then Rand said, “I spoke with my Uncle Maxwell and all arrangements are done. We will be by around ten tomorrow morning, so you better get packing!”

  He pulled me in for a hug and smiled to Jillian who was standing behind me. When he released me, I was still leaning toward him even after he had left and driven off.

  Jillian whispered, voice quivering “Holy Shit!”